Can you ever possibly warm up a cold heart? This is the scariest question that sends shivers down my spine, yet I enjoy playing with the idea that the answer is a black and white no.
I used to believe that it could be achievable, that it would happen when another cold heart understands your frozen language. Something like putting out fire with fire; ice could stop the existence of ice and create something so beautifully stable and strong like concrete. Yes I used to believe in this transformation, the creation of concrete. But as the ice gets thicker and harder to break through, this illusion becomes more and more disguised. There are a few false moments when I see this illusion taking its worn out mask off and just before I could catch a glimpse of its true face it turns around and disappears in the dark. I try to face this darkness and march straight through it but ice is very slippery. It’s hard to chase something without falling over many times.
Then there are other moments when fire is threatening to melt down this entire shiny ice field. I never know how to keep this heat under control without causing damage. In the fire of course, never the ice. And when I see the flames backing down, running away to safety I hear a sound. The sound of a fracture or a snap. Strangely there is no pain - but guilt? Yes plenty of guilt. Cannot be undone, it is there scratched in so deep that nothing in this world has the power to cover it up and make it look undamaged.
Drip, drop, drip, drop… is it the ice melting or the last few marbles hitting the ground?
30/01/2011
I used to believe that it could be achievable, that it would happen when another cold heart understands your frozen language. Something like putting out fire with fire; ice could stop the existence of ice and create something so beautifully stable and strong like concrete. Yes I used to believe in this transformation, the creation of concrete. But as the ice gets thicker and harder to break through, this illusion becomes more and more disguised. There are a few false moments when I see this illusion taking its worn out mask off and just before I could catch a glimpse of its true face it turns around and disappears in the dark. I try to face this darkness and march straight through it but ice is very slippery. It’s hard to chase something without falling over many times.
Then there are other moments when fire is threatening to melt down this entire shiny ice field. I never know how to keep this heat under control without causing damage. In the fire of course, never the ice. And when I see the flames backing down, running away to safety I hear a sound. The sound of a fracture or a snap. Strangely there is no pain - but guilt? Yes plenty of guilt. Cannot be undone, it is there scratched in so deep that nothing in this world has the power to cover it up and make it look undamaged.
Drip, drop, drip, drop… is it the ice melting or the last few marbles hitting the ground?
30/01/2011
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